As a Highly Sensitive (HSP), Gifted or CASIGY™ couple (Creative, Acutely-Aware, Super-Sensitive, Intense, likely Introverted, Gifted You), you may struggle in your relationship or marriage in spite of the fact that you love each other very much. You may frequently feel hurt, angry or get quickly triggered by things your partner says or does, and he or she may also get easily hurt or triggered by things you do or say, when neither of you intends to hurt the other. You may have used many things hoping to help your relationship and when your attempts to repair your relationship only make things worse instead of better, you may be tempted to slide into despair.
As a CASIGY™ or a CASIGY™-Neurotypical’ couple, you may feel like you are even more vulnerable to relationship or marital stress than are many other couples. Your creativity, awareness, sensitivity, intensity and/or giftedness can interact to implode a relationship in sometimes dramatic ways, despite your best intentions and your many attempts to prevent or repair damage to the relationship. As CASIGYs™, you may have high expectations of both yourself and your partner. You both may work in high stress, high demand careers; you may carry many high level responsibilities, and be deeply committed to your work. Your work is indeed likely to carry a sense of deep purpose, mission or destiny for you. Your work may at times require long hours, and you may carry your work home with you, literally or figuratively. Or you may not have found truly satisfying work, and bear the gnawing frustration of your unfulfilled needs. You also may be working in an insensitive environment which leaves you exhausted and stressed. Your children are also undoubtedly CASIGYs™—creative, aware, sensitive, intense, intelligent and/or gifted kids. The high level of energy floating around a house full of CASIGYs™ can be overwhelming.
Did you ever notice that as an HSP or a Gifted person or couple, your central nervous system reacts intensely to events and situations that many others don’t even notice? You quickly pick up nuances of facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and respond to them strongly. You have a complex inner life, with many things going on simultaneously, high expectations for yourself and those close to you. When your relationship doesn’t live up to your high aspirations, you may blame yourself or your partner. Asynchronous development applies here, too. Your strengths are likely to be very strong; your vulnerabilities correspondingly pronounced, and so are your partner’s. This amplifies everything.
Opposites often attract each other in intimate relationships. The more pronounced or extreme these opposites are, the greater the attraction can be, and the greater the harmony when things go well. When your strengths dovetail and things go smoothly, CASIGY™ marriages are terrific. On the other hand, the more pronounced or extreme these opposites are, the greater the distress and pain when things are difficult. When you are tired, distracted, pre-occupied, worried, anxious, busy or whatever it takes for the dark side of either one of you to be activated, a CASIGY™ relationship can seem to unravel in a nanosecond.
In my work with CASIGY™ couples, I have found ways to help CASIGY™ couples untangle these messes and create the loving harmony that you desire in your couples relationship. I have found ways to help you will learn body-mind-soul-spirit skills that you can apply in your everyday life. These enable you to
- deescalate conflict,
- resolve your differences,
- heal your hurts,
- stop creating more hurt,
- create understanding, and
- build strength and resilience in your marital relationship
- an added bonus if you have children, is that I can also help you transfer these skills to your parenting process to expand the loving harmony in your household.
To accomplish this, I synthesize cutting edge brain research with classic, timeworn principles, creative, innovative, sensitive, intelligent tools and techniques, along with my thirty plus years of experience helping CASIGYs™ turn obstacles into stepping stones and finding beauty hidden inside life’s scraps.
It may help you to know that I know what it’s like to have great marital distress. When my husband and I had been married several years and had young children, we found ourselves in a marital mess. We loved each other very much. We both felt hurt, offended, not heard or understood and not truly loved by the other one. When things were good, they were great. But when they were bad, they were horrid. We each felt like we were hurting all the time. We kept doing things that unexpectedly hurt the other one. We both felt afraid to say or do anything for fear of how the other one would react. We were tired of hurting each other, and sick of being hurt all of the time.
We got help for ourselves and our marriage, and turned things around. We have now been married almost 40 years, and our children are all married, some with children of their own. Occasionally we fall back into these old patterns—usually when our lives are particularly hectic or stressful. When we do, Life reminds us to use the tools that helped us to heal the hurts and prevent new ones in our relationship. We have found that when we find and reactivate the tools we have neglected in our fatigue, stress or preoccupation, it sets things right, and harmonious love reigns again.
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